The mistake in 'holding people accountable.'

Doing so rarely, if ever, produces the desired change.

“They should be held accountable.” “I’m holding you accountable.” These phrases are overused, fear-fueled, and ineffective. We continues to use them because they feel powerful. They make someone else wrong and us 'right.' This position of power is an egoic energy of anger and ultimately, fear. These phrases are a preferred weapon of mass destruction in the ego’s arsenal. It’s bullets are blame, judgment, and 'or else.' 

NO sustained behavior change comes from a state of fear, intimidation, blame, or threat.* We immediately switch to survival (psychological) in these moments. When 'switched', learning isn’t remotely important. Neither is being accountable.

ALL sustained change comes from the energy of curiosity, support, and possibility.* 

If you really want someone to shift how they’re doing something, end the blame game and take responsibility for your contribution to the situation. And when we engage with the individual/team involved, try doing so from curiosity instead of blame, fear, or anger. Even engaging these types of situations from a ‘performance improvement’ position thwarts change.

The reality is, that's how we've been conditioned to do so. And in some respects, it feels 'good' to do so: It feels like power. It feels like control. No problem--that's totally normal for us. And it's ineffective when it comes to creating sustained change.

We can choose to hold accountability differently. We can make it about learning. About growing. About evolving. For all parties involved. The energy WE bring to communicating another's requirement for change is the go-no go catalyst for the desired change to happen.

When we start holding ourselves accountable to that, and do so from love, curiosity, and personal responsibility, sustained change becomes possible.

It’s the Vulnerabold® thing to do.

*Helping People Change; Richard Boyatzis